


Third Wheel

by Angel_Tortured



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dubious Consent, Jealousy, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Peer Pressure, Quote: Sam and Dean Winchester are psychotically irrationally erotically codependent on each other, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:41:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26312803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_Tortured/pseuds/Angel_Tortured
Summary: Castiel really wishes he had listened to Dean all those years ago outside that gas station.“I could be your third wheel,” Castiel had said with such excitement. He was eager to have a new purpose, following the Winchesters and helping people. He still needed to help. It was the only thing that made him see clearly - helping. Who better to teach him than the brothers who spend their lives helping others?“You know that’s not a good thing, right?” Dean had replied, his tone gruff. His annoyed posture had been in stark contrast to Castiel’s glowing face about the idea.Sam chuckled at the terrible idea.Castiel knows that… anything involving himself at that time was a bad idea. He wishes he knew then what he does now. Being the third wheel is a terrible thing.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Castiel/Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Comments: 13
Kudos: 61
Collections: Team Free Will Big Bang: Collection 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TFW BB 2020! <3   
> Thank you to   
> Art by: LeafZelindor  
> [Tumblr to art](https://leafzelindor.tumblr.com/post/628469181101244416/its-my-pleasure-to-have-arted-for-this-wincestiel)
> 
> Beta: Disenchanted Halo

Castiel really wishes he had listened to Dean all those years ago outside that gas station.

“I could be your third wheel,” Castiel had said with such excitement. He was eager to have a new purpose, following the Winchesters and helping people. He still needed to help. It was the only thing that made him see clearly - helping. Who better to teach him than the brothers who spend their lives helping others?

“You know that’s not a good thing, right?” Dean had replied, his tone gruff. His annoyed posture had been in stark contrast to Castiel’s glowing face about the idea.

Sam chuckled at the terrible idea.

Castiel knows that… anything involving himself at that time was a bad idea. He wishes he knew then what he does now. Being the third wheel is a terrible thing.

********************************* 

Castiel knew no one else was in the bunker but him, Sam and Dean. Jack and Mary are out. They have become close. Struggling together as they fought in ranks of the apocalypse world. Jack had become the child Mary so desperately needed to soothe her maternal instincts... Sam and Dean were never children to her. Castiel knows that…and that she‘s aware of Sam and Dean’s unorthodox brotherly relationship. Mary never mentioned it. She was in denial; Cas doesn't understand why. That’s how humans show love. Physical intimacy. The only reason Castiel isn’t shown that intimacy, is because he is unworthy of affection. The only times he has been touched sexually, were because someone wanted to use him. 

Crowley had been the first.

Crowley had offered him a deal. 

Castiel replied. “I have no soul, you ass.” Because of course, no soul, no deal, no kiss. 

Crowley had found a way to make the deal work, more or less. Castiel had to offer a part of himself intimately to seal the deal. Humiliating.

Meg had been the first woman he’d been intimate with., His first female encounter had been with another demon. Meg was the first to lay their lips against his. Castiel had watched the exploits of the “Pizza Man” on the motel TV He had allowed his subconscious to follow what he had seen, throwing her into the wall, desperate to taste her, kissing her harder. He wanted more…she only wanted his blade. Later in life she had come to his aid after he had taken on Sam’s mental struggles. Meg had nursed him back to somewhat… competent. He no longer wanted anything to do with violence. He was scared. 

She was there for him, she made him… feel. Although he knew deep down what she was doing, he couldn’t bring himself to care. Meg’s caretaking was the most affection he had received in a very long time. He had… nothing. Besides the trail of mistakes Castiel had left in his wake. He believed that over time he had begun to love her. Maybe he would’ve been able to have felt her more. If it wasn’t for Crowley’s striking blow to her stomach. Castiel showed little remorse for Meg’s death, though. His focus… always towards the man, he connected his entity to -

Dean...

Many assume their relationship is sexual. Heaven, Hell, Earth – everyone teases them about it. Not one person doubts Dean is screwing Castiel. But they can’t be further from the truth. Dean is seeing someone he never will and perhaps never can leave. There were moments with Dean. Rare times when Castiel believed Dean wanted to kiss him, touch, be with him as a lover. But Dean loves Sam too much, even though Sam seems not to share the same strength of feelings. It confuses Castiel to his wit’s end. Dean gave his soul, his heart, everything to Sam. Why did Sam not want the same?

Castiel grasps that physicality is how Dean shows love. He touches and feels you. Dean isn’t one for sharing how he feels with words. But Cas knows everything about Dean. They are connected. Bonded. Castiel can remember the pain Dean felt when he still believed that Sam had a soul, yet Sam forced Dean down and hurt him. How he allowed him to be raped in an alley by a vampire. Castiel hates himself for not knowing what those feelings meant. It was just pain, but he never got the emotional distress. The soul crushing fear Dean felt when he thought that he had lost everything. Dean thought that he had no one when all he wanted was to reach out and for someone to hold him. He wanted that to be Sam, but Sam wasn’t there for Dean... 

Dean finally gave Castiel the attention he’d been craving. But that hadn’t happened until after Dean must’ve seen how sad Castiel was seeing Dean with Benny in Purgatory. Dean must have noticed how Castiel had to stand and watch as they fucked. Cas was disgusted. After what Dean had gone through a couple of years before, he allowed this vampire to just use him? Adding insult to injury, Dean loved the vampire. To this day, Dean loves Benny. Dean believes that Benny is the sole person to have never let him down, while Castiel did nothing but that - disappoint him.

But the first time… Castiel, remembers the feeling. It was foreign, Dean making sure he was okay. Castiel wants to believe that’s what Dean was doing. Wanting to quiet and calm Castiel. Now, he wonders if what Dean had really wanted was for Castiel to shut up, so they could get it over with. 

Did Dean ever care for Castiel? Did he only keep Cas around because he felt indebted to him? Afterall Castiel was the one that raised Dean from Hell. Sam has told Cas time and again not heed Michael’s words, but it’s hard when the evidence is there in front of his face.

Dean was just too pure for Purgatory. In contrast, Castiel believed he belonged there, in the place of torment. It felt… incredible when Dean caressed him. His body was tingling like it was on pins and needles. The sex was over too soon for Castiel, Dean had finished quickly. While Castiel was sure he couldn’t “get off”, he was nowhere close to being done. Dean returned to Benny’s arms. It grated on Castiel, he felt jealousy for the first time. It surprised him, considering he had come to understand why Dean felt the way he did about his relationship with Sam. But Benny… Despite being aware of how strong Dean’s feelings were for Benny, it felt like Dean was keeping him along to spit in Castiel’s face. Castiel wondered if that was because Dean had caught on to the feelings Castiel had for Dean. 

But why did Dean try so hard to get him out, that he can only do this with Castiel? Why did he swear such proclamations one would say to someone they love. But why did Castiel not feel it’s true that Dean was lying to him? Dean didn’t need Castiel, Benny could get him out. Castiel was useless and unneeded. He deserved this punishment. He loved seeing Dean’s pure light in a realm of darkness, but watching Dean be with someone else? It made him sick.

So, he had shoved Dean through that portal.

********************************** 

“You got that weird look,” Dean gestures to Castiel who has his face towards the table.

Sam looks over from where he’d had his head in a book.

Castiel lifts his head. Turning it to the side to pop the kinks in his aging vessel.

“Just reflecting on my greatest failures… suppose the usual.” He looks over to Dean, who is clenching his jaw.

“Well, you should stop.” Dean hisses.

“You don’t,” Castiel sasses back.

Dean turns away from Castiel’s look, his eyes narrowing to a glare. 

“Anything triggering it?” Sam asks, running his hand down Dean’s back.

Castiel watches it travel every inch. “No…idea,” Castiel replies stonily. It’s been years, and he has become familiar with the color green. And it has nothing to do with the eye color of the man he’s in love with.

“Well, I think Castiel needs a break,” Dean pushes the research away. “Mom and Jack are out, let’s say we order a pizza and chill in the ‘Dean Cave’.” Dean smiles, holding his brother’s hand.

Sam seems indifferent.

Castiel is puzzled by the suggestion. Is Dean… inviting him?

“I’m not calling it that,” Sam says.

Dean and Sam begin walking away, but Dean turns and leans over Castiel.

Castiel flinches under Dean’s knowing hellish smirk. It’s making Castiel’s head go fuzzy. He loosens his collar and tie as Dean breathes against his neck. “Dean… personal space…”

Dean raises an eyebrow at him, before dropping to the floor. Cas was dreaming. Of course, he was, why would Dean ever- he lost in thoughts thinking it wasn’t real. Just a daydream. Until he jumped by the warm wet sensation on his groin. 

“Easy,” Dean says, pushing him back into the chair. “You’re a terrible liar, I know exactly what you were thinking about.” Dean rubs Cas’s crotch with his palm. 

Castiel tries to stay stoic. It’s becoming more difficult. “I wasn’t- lying. I was thinking of my failures.”

“No me and Sam. That’s what was triggering you, as he said.” 

Castiel looks over to see if Sam is still there, but isn’t.

“Dean…”

“Dude shut up. Stop fucking bullshitting.”

“Yes.”

“There we go,” Dean squeezes, Castiel snapped his legs together, trapping Dean’s hand. Castiel grabs Dean’s hand with a hard look down at him.

Dean actually looks scared. He knows he’s crossed a line, and it pisses Castiel off. Castiel hears Sam coming back, he instantly opens his legs releasing Dean.

Instantly, Dean jumped to his feet, his face flushed red.

Cas is gripping the table, his knuckles white.

Dean looks at Castiel out of the corner of his eye, watching to see if he will break the table in two.

Sam ignores the obvious tension in the room, simply to wave at them to hurry up and get down to the entertainment room.

Cas and Dean shared a heated look, Cas notices that Dean is no longer playful but equally upset at Cas. Cas is hurt, Dean never… touches him unless Dean and Sam are fighting, and Cas is some angry fuck pillow. Cas didn’t want Dean using him, he wanted him to love him. Why can’t Dean be soft with him, like he is with Sam? Nevertheless, Castiel stuffs the thought back down as they both follow Sam to watch a movie.

************************************ 

Walking through the Bunker towards the entertainment room, Castiel’s mind drifts back to another time he’d shared with Dean.

“I need you. I love you,” a battered and bruised Dean had said.

Castiel had caused those injuries to Dean. At Dean’s declaration of love, Castiel had broken his hold on Dean. Dean loved him. Dean did.

Castiel remembers the first time sex with Dean felt real. They were in the Impala waiting for Cupid. Recounting, Cas’s last night on Earth. He wasn’t going to die without getting laid. Dean had made him feel loved, it was slow and long. Cas an angel, Dean a human. It would never feel the same to either of them. Cas could feel Dean’s soul, while Cas felt like another warm body. Cas didn’t feel the pleasures Dean did, but he would get high or drunk on it. It would make him loopy, foggy, unclear. Dean kissed him over and over, and Cas got further lost. When Dean came, it felt like Cas took acid. 

They sat in the car, neither able to utter a word. Cas felt the ground disappear underneath him, his body shook. He was never going to see Dean again. 

Castiel was convinced then, still is, that they were both crying under their breath as they redressed. 

Dean held his hand, intertwining his fingers. “I meant it before…”

“Huh?” Cas asked his ocean blue eyes blues wide and his head tilted to the side.

“In the crypt. It’s real. I’m going to miss you.”


	2. Chapter 2

Sam sits between Dean and Castiel, wondering what happened in the library the short minute he was gone. Although he has a good idea of what happened. Sam’s eyes dart back and forth between Dean and Castiel. Even his usual awkward cough can’t break through the tension. 

He is aware that Dean has been trying to get Castiel to sleep with them for a while, but Castiel either ignores Dean’s advances or acts confused. Sam has told Dean he needs to be bold about it. Castiel doesn’t do well with subtle hints or innuendos. So, whatever happened, it has left Dean embarrassed, and Castiel seething. Sam wishes he had been there to see it. Maybe he could have prevented this friction. Sam throws his head back, rolling his eyes. Clicking his tongue in frustration. They turn to him as he scratches his head. “Alright, can we just do this?”

“Do what Sam?” Dean spits.

Castiel tilted his head confused, his look between the brothers.

“Agreed. Do what Sam?” Castiel asks, baffled.

“All right, so we wanted Mom and Jack out. To have…you know, ‘you’ time.” Sam blushes.

“Me? I’m here when Mary and Jack are-”

“We want to nail you Cas!” Dean groans, rubbing his temples. “We. Want. To. FUCK. You.” Dean says loud and slow as if Castiel is an idiot.

Sam shoots him a pissed look.

“What? You said it yourself, he won’t get it.” Dean shrugs.

Castiel stays quiet.

A mortified Sam stutters as he tries to correct what Dean said.

Castiel studies his hands. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Dean mocks.

“Shush,” Sam scolds.

Castiel contemplates things. Nothing’s making sense to him. Understandable really, in the circumstances. He has two brothers that he’s become close with yelling at him that they want to fuck him. No wonder it doesn’t sit right.

“At the… same time?”

“I don’t want to do it any other way,” Dean smirks at Sam.

Sam appears more concerned with Castiel, who’s now picking at his nails.

“I don’t know…” Cas says softly. “I’m still new to sex. I’ve even had Jack asking me questions about it lately. And I’ve no clue what to tell him.”

“You’ve had sex with April! Hell, even with me! What’s the big deal? You stick it in, shake, and thrust until stuff comes out. Well, for us… you don’t-”

“I’m aware Dean!” Castiel cuts him off. “I am limited… like this.”

“Dude just decide, yes or no,” Dean growls at him,

Sam is shifting in his seat, uncomfortable with how aggressive Dean is being. In part, he believes some of this situation is his fault.

********************************

Once Mary had come back, Sam knew things had to change. After spending years with his brother, he knew there was an imbalance. Dean was more controlling, determined to be the leader. It was only with Sam that Dean would allow himself to break down and have someone else take care of him. Sam admits the first few times they had shared a girl, or sometimes more than one. It wasn’t always Dean’s fault… but then it became soul-crushing pain, moments where they thought they would never be together. Somehow it got romantic… sexual. Sam remembers Dean screaming at him that there was no way out of the demon deal - he was going to hell. Sam pulled him into a kiss, Dean fought him. Sam was stronger, pushing Dean onto the bed. It was passionate, as Dean allowed Sam to take him. They never talked about it after, just pretended everything was normal. Dean went back to being a sarcastic ass. Sam, well Sam was left with guilt churning in his stomach.

He knew Dean had FELT him before, again in threesomes on accident. But then there was Meg. While Meg had possessed Sam, he had held Dean down and raped him. Dean had to watch his younger brother hold him down and hurt him until he bled. He had also almost done the same to Jo if Dean hadn’t arrived on time. Sam has major guilt issues about that too. He wonders if maybe Dean hadn’t been raped that night, he would’ve had time with Jo. It was the first time Dean began to detach himself from Sam but after that, Dean couldn’t leave Sam’s side. It worries Sam to the core, that Meg broke Dean’s head, and he’s never recovered.

Then no possession, just passion. It felt right, wrong. 

Things changed when Dean came back from Hell. Castiel was introduced into their circle. Initially, Sam and Castiel didn’t get along. Sam was jealous of Castiel’s time with Dean. But he tried to not care, he was getting high on blood. Castiel was to Dean what Ruby was to Sam.

The jealousy became worse as Sam tried to get clean.

Dean seemed to give up on the world. He was spending more and more time with Castiel.

Gradually, Sam had found Castiel to be less of a jerk, but a jerk nonetheless.

Nowadays, Sam can’t imagine Castiel not being by his side. Honestly, the only thing that annoys him is how much Castiel will bend over backwards for others but not himself.

As for Dean, Sam was glad that his capacity for love had returned and that he'd found a new purpose through Jack.

They have had to change how they go about things… Mom can’t know about their relationship. So now… when Dean wants to have sex with Sam, they need to have another person. A scapegoat. A girl, or… well, seeing as both of them have filling Castiel on their dream sex list…the need Castiel.

************************************** 

Castiel looks scared as Dean drills at him. “Come on Cas, it doesn’t hurt you. And it’ll make us feel really good.”

“Dean…” Sam licks his lips. Pulling his brother to the side he tells him, “You’re coursing him. You pretty much mentally abusing him, dude. If he doesn’t want to...”

“I want to,” Castiel speaks up. “I just worry what it’ll mean.”

“Nothing’s changing,” Sam tries to reassure him, but Castiel sighs in defeat. Maybe Castiel wants something? Sam does get the chance to ask because Dean is already pushing Castiel to the floor and removing his clothes.

From what Sam can see, Castiel seems more focused on a wall, but Sam can’t keep worrying about Castiel if he wants to enjoy this too. He has longed to feel Dean closer to him again and he’s desperate to feel Castiel for the first time. It must’ve been amazing for Dean when he came inside him.

Sam crawls across the floor removing his clothes as he goes. Castiel seemed so much smaller when he was pinned.

“I called dibs,” Dean sticks his tongue out at Sam.

Sam groans, remembering their discussion about this. Dean is going to loosen Castiel up until he’s ready for Sam to slip inside him. Sam wonders if they should ask Castiel if he wants them both like that, but he isn’t engaging. Castiel simply allowed Dean to go right for it. However, discomfort is etched on his face, as Dean thrusts in and out.

Dean picks Castiel’s legs up, placing them on his shoulders.

Sam listens as things start to sound wetter.

Dean pulls out to add more lube, then slams in again.

Cas struggles not to react.

Sam is confused. Castiel should be enjoying it.

Sam positions himself to watch Dean’s cock enter their friend’s hole violently over and over. He starts rubbing his own dick, matching Dean’s speed. Sam can’t wait to feel the inside of Castiel as well. Sam needs to fill Castiel with his seed. He’s eager to watch the cum dripping out of Castiel’s hole onto the floor, his crazy raven sex hair a mess, his eyes blown, mouth drooling… begging the brothers to fuck him again.

Dean groans as the wet slaps of skin on skin fill the room. He’s close. His mouth is slacked. Hissing and shaking, pulling out of Castiel’s ass. He holds the base of his dick tight, to prevent him from coming. Dean shoves 4 fingers in, twisting, turning, stretching.

Sam watches in amazement –

Dean begins to fist Castiel. It’s time! Kicking off the rest of his clothes. Dean drags himself to his feet, pulling Castiel with him and bringing him to the reclining chair. Dean sits quickly then drags Castiel down too so he’s straddling Dean.

Castiel is boneless like a ragdoll. He is compliant. He is getting high off Dean’s soul.

Dean quickly pushes his ass down on his dick making Castiel moan.

Sam catches the look of surprise on Dean’s face.,

Dean pulls Castiel up then down again, gaining a muffled mewl. To Dean’s obvious glee, Castiel is trying to hold back his noises

Sam draws up behind Castiel. Rubbing his fingers down the bumps of his spine.

Castiel nearly cries out, arching his back as if wings were outstretched. But Castiel barely has any wings left.

Sam thinks he’s found a sensitive area.

Dean holds Castiel up, keeping his hole open, as the tip of his cock presses inside. 

Sam pushes in. 

All three keen as Dean lowers Castiel onto him and Sam.

Sam initiates the movements, thrusting in and out, deep and slow. 

Dean gasps 

Castiel’s hands clutch the back of the chair to brace everything. 

Soon like a dance, Dean and Sam shift in and out, rubbing their cocks together inside him. 

Castiel was going to be sick from the rush. Two extremely powerful souls who were soulmates digging into his vessel. 

“Sam faster!” Dean cries, digging his fingers into Castiel.

“Fuck Dean you feel so good, I missed this…” Sam moans complying and holding the arms of the chair to prevent them all from flying backward. His thrusts are rough, precision. He’s doing it this way to get Dean off.

Dean is doing all he could to feel Sam’s dick. 

Both are eagerly thrusting into Castiel completely lost. Both moaning for each other, reaching over Castiel’s shoulder to kiss each other. 

Castiel doesn’t miss this action and wants to cry. It’s like he’s been stabbed in the stomach. It confirms what he’s suspected all along, they only want each other. “Nothing Changes.” Castiel wants to puke, as Sam and Dean’s rhythm becomes erratic.

The sounds of their wet dripping cocks, teeth, and tongues lapping together.

“Dean, I’m going to cum,” Sam cries, biting into Castiel’s shoulder because he can’t reach Dean’s.

“Cum in me Sam. Fuck I love it when you cum in me. Fuck me, oh fuck SAM!” Dean yells. Sam loops his arms under Castiel’s, prying Castiel hard onto his dick as he comes. Cas was held in a painful straight back. Watching Dean’s face, his eyes closed… the whole time. He was picturing Sam. He was mumbling Sam’s name. “I love cumming in you Dean,” Sam groans as Dean finishes inside.

Castiel wants out of this. He wants his wings to just disappear, he is heartbroken. But what was he expecting? Them to feel genuine love for him? He is nothing but a hole to fit into their fantasy.

Sam pulls out.

Before Dean can shift Castiel gets off his lap. “Oo!” Dean hisses not ready for the tug, Dean peeks up his face red and wet.

Castiel’s eyes are normal, he isn’t even close to high on their souls.

Dean glances at Castiel’s dick… it is hard and dripping precum. Dean is amazed, knowing his previous times with Castiel - where he was the only human, the only one who could cum. “Ca-”

Castiel quickly darts for his clothes, not giving either chance to talk or stop him. Running towards the washroom.

He is shaking, he’s gooey and sticky all over, there is lube and cum dripping down his legs. He quickly turns on the shower, before, weak at the knees, he falls to the floor. falling to his knees. Watching the cum drip away into the drain. His eyes are red-rimmed. His tears mix with the water. He doesn’t make a sound, besides a few shallow breaths. Castiel tries to ignore the stench of the blood, and how it stains the water. He has never felt this awful, and he’s died many times.

It’s almost as painful as when he was exiled from home, for choosing humanity over the apocalypse. Only now… Castiel has all the human emotions. He feels his heart being torn from him and closes his eyes in anguish.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean looks up as Castiel bolts. He knows so many things went wrong. Sam seemed more relaxed, but he’s got a pained expression on his face. Dean knew they hurt Castiel, majorly. Castiel has been lying about the extent of his powers- that isn’t new. Ever since his grace was taken, Castiel had ever healed. Even when he got some of it back, it wasn't enough. Castiel had suffered too much damage. Dean wonders what it will mean when all the grace is gone. Will Castiel become human or die? What if it’s like it was with Jack? Will it be that once his grace is gone Castiel will become human and get sick?

Castiel won’t give them answers. Maybe because he doesn’t know… or … he’s worried about being a burden. His guilt and pain weigh on him. But hey, he and Sam have their own problems. Castiel never lets himself get back up before he gets kicked down again. But… that is part of being human.

How Castiel had looked at him with broken betrayed eyes. Dean hadn’t opened his eyes during to check if Castiel was hard, or even close to cumming. He assumed he couldn’t. If he just…if he…forced a near-human body into double penetration… he’s going to be sick.

This means Castiel, someone who was nervous before- reminding them of his lack of experience. was pushed into an extremely painful act. They might have destroyed Castiel’s insides if he were human. Castiel isn’t a porn star, he’s never trained for double penetration. Dean had only prepped him to a point where he thought that Sam could fit.

Dean is shaking, “Cas is in physical pain.”

Sam swallows, then wet his lips. He twists away from Dean. It’s his tell when he is hiding something.

“Sam?”

“You’re not… wrong. Did you wipe your dick yet?” Sam asks, cleaning himself, looking guilty.

“Blood,” Dean responds. He is about to break things.

“Why didn’t he fucking tell us? Now both of us are going to feel like shit because he didn’t tell us he was that far gone. Not even ‘ouch’ to give us a heads up?”

“Well, maybe he didn’t know… Cas isn’t exactly on the prowl. He probably didn’t know this would happen, ease up on him. I’m more worried he’s going to hide from us… again.”

“He’s like a scared cat sometimes.”

“Well, you haven’t been the easiest with him… in a while.” Sam shuffles his boxers on.

Dean does the same.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Dean snips.

“Last time you were actually interested in him. Honest.”

“I don’t know, I still am.”

“Really? Because it came off as you only wanted to do this so we could fuck.”

“Oh, whatever Sam-”

Sam grabs Dean’s arm. Sam may tower over him, but Dean will never flinch.

“What?”

“Are you 100 percent sure, Cas bolted because of the pain- or because …”

“What are you saying? That we just used him?”

“I think that’s what he thinks. We kinda ignored him.”

“We had both our dicks inside him, I don’t think you could call that ignoring him!”

“Did either of us kiss him or call out his name? I watched you, you never looked at him. Dean, you don’t love him anymore… admit it.”

Dean’s throat tightens up

“When… what broke it?”

Dean felt the room spinning. The idea of no longer being in love with Castiel is crazy. He had been… He remembers it. The minute he walked into that barn, sparks actually flew. An angel fell to be with him. How could he not feel the same?

After the lies, betrayals, Dean’s emotion changes… maybe it got lost. That feeling… people talk about being married. You are with them for years, and then it just fades. Dean fell out of love with Castiel. He wants to blame Cas for it… but he can’t. He’s done some crappy stuff too.

“I think… when he stole the Colt. It wasn’t because of that, but… it was the end. I haven’t felt that buzz anymore. All I can do when I see him is think… what’s wrong this time?”

“This between us… it can never happen again, Dean.”

“I know this was a bad idea bringing Cas-”

“No, US. We are nothing more than what the angels and demons say about us. Toxic homo erotic co-dependent serial killers. We cannot do this anymore - no girl, no Cas, no us.” Sam finishes the last button of his flannel.

“Sam, we always say that, but we just end up...”

“Same place, yeah. I know. Listen… I love you. I fucking love you. We can’t be this thing anymore. Or I will tell Mom and have her convince us to stop.”

“Don’t bring her into this.”

“Don’t act like she doesn’t know. It’s why she can’t stand us, to be honest. Is that why she cares more for Jack than us? Because he isn’t fucking Cas or something.”

“I’m sick Sam... “ Dean clutches his stomach. “How can I be this THING? How did I get to this point, where I can’t get off unless I have MY BROTHER fucking me?”

“Dad?”

“Maybe…” Dean rubs his face. “We’re toxic, we know this. What the fuck can we do?”

“Well, I’m going to talk to Cas. Salvage anything left of our friendship. Then, I don’t know. Maybe you should go for a drive. Think about things. Hopefully, you love Cas in some capacity still. He’s your best friend, don’t let the thing between you two… go …where Cas ends up offing himself.”

“He wouldn’t. He has Jack. Cas wouldn’t hurt himself while he still ticks.”

“Dean we already had that close call… just TRY. JUST FUCKING TRY.”

************************************

Dean takes Baby out for a drive. His guts are knotted. He doesn’t think that much about Sam. Honestly, he is set on his feelings for Sam. If things change, that will be fine. Castiel, on the other hand… Dean pulls the car over. He stares at the backseat, remembering telling Castiel he loved him. Remembering the unbearable sorrow every time he saw Castiel die. He knows it wasn’t the Colt… not the lies, or the betrayals. It was the wall he put up because he couldn’t handle Castiel breaking his heart anymore.

He still fucking loves him. He can’t… lose him. He tries to imagine what it was like for Castiel, being ignored like that while someone you’re in love with calls to another. He’s broken Castiel’s heart. It was like cheating on him, but they weren’t dating… really. He has taken Castiel out on dates, but Jack always wants to come. It’s started becoming a thing - two dads and their son. Castiel is so impressive in the way he treats Jack. Castiel is giving him a family. It’s like he’s married to Castiel. So, this feeling? It was like they were getting close to divorcing.

They haven’t had sex together in a few years. The last time was the mixtape… and Castiel used it to get the Colt. There'd been ages between then and the time before too.

When Cas was human… sex with him was magnetic. Watching Cas truly experience it for the first time, with him. Knowing about his time with April, but things had been rough for all of them. Then he’d kicked Castiel out for Sam… Castiel ended up living in a closet at a gas station. Dean had put him in this situation, and he hoped that helping Castiel get a date… maybe if it worked out, things between them could move on. They’d no longer need each other.

That feeling watching Castiel go up those steps, Dean had wanted to grab Castiel and keep him for himself. Dean is selfish that way, but he didn’t do it.

His heart broke seeing how Castiel’s night went. Not only had he only been asked to babysit, not go out on a date, but another angel was coming to attack Castiel because of how depressed he was. Dean determined to take Castiel out of his misery… Dean was no stranger to Castiel’s depression. The year prior, returning from Purgatory. Castiel had told Dean that he might kill himself. The year had ended with Castiel sacrificing himself to save Heaven and ultimately being betrayed by Metatron.

Dean is a jerk to him because Castiel is frustrating. Cas was broken all the time, and mostly it wasn’t his fault. He was just too trusting and saw good in others. When there really wasn’t.

Loving him is like a chore. It’s hard, unnatural to Dean. Unlike with Sam. From the moment he saved Sam from the fire as a baby, it was going to be forever between them. Castiel is an alien, trying to learn how to navigate emotions, yet so not understanding them.

9 years ago, Castiel lit up Dean’s face, by standing too close, tilting his head, unable to understand things. Now, Castiel is this withering miserable friend, who never has any good luck. You dread anything Cas saying because you know it’s going to be bad news.

Instead of trying to progress, maybe help Castiel… Dean is bone tired. He doesn’t have the strength to carry his own weight, let alone Castiel’s.

Maybe he still loves him, but loving Cas requires a massive heart. Dean isn’t sure how much he has left.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Castiel slowly heals himself. He tries to gather himself and pretend things are normal. He has to do this for Jack, Jack won’t understand the complexity of everything. Castiel has the feeling Mary wouldn’t like to find out, but if Jack knows, Jack will be like the toddler that he is and tell her.

He’s clean now, his head and back against the wall. Castiel allows the steam to tickle his body. To wrap him in hugs. He wants to feel loved… but maybe this is for the best. The Empty wouldn’t take him like this. Living is a good punishment, so the Empty gave it to him.

His hair is wet and pressed against his face, Sam’s bite now faded. His hole still feels stretched, but now no-one’s assaulting it, it’ll return to normal. But Castiel can’t heal the dread and pain in his chest. He swears there is a real hole in his vessel’s heart

Sam knocks as Castiel feels ready to ‘act’ normal. But as he tries to stand, he falls back to the floor. The wounded heart is beating out of his chest. He… He can’t breathe. Which stuns Castiel, because he doesn’t need oxygen. His throat seizes up. He’s gasping for air. Cas is having a panic attack. Through his hazy vision, he sees Sam running towards him.

************************************ 

Cas is lying on Sam’s bed. Sam has dressed him in something other than his normal attire. It’s looser. Castiel assumes it is Sam’s sleeping attire. It is very comfortable, but the lack of layers makes him uneasy – vulnerable. He is awake now, but he hasn’t opened his eyes. He doesn’t really need to open them; he knows it is only Sam. He can’t sense Dean nearby.

“I upset him,” Castiel says softly.

Sam rushes to him.

Castiel doesn’t want to open his eyes, not when Dean’s voice is stilling ringing in his ears.

“Cas, I thought you were having a heart attack.”

“I should leave,” Castiel tries getting up, but Sam tries to persuade him to stay down. “I shouldn’t come back. I don’t think I can be around Dean.”

“Dean’s going to be fine, he doesn’t blame you for bolting-”

“No, I mean I don’t think I can be around him. I want to break his neck… and YOU…you’re pushing your luck.” Castiel kicks up, throwing his legs over to the side of the bed.

“Cas please- look I don’t even know what to say.”

“Why? Tell me why you guys did it? Why did it feel good hurting me? Did I deserve it? Were you trying to prove a point? What did I do to be treated like that- maybe I can change, and it won’t happen again?”

“Woah Cas, this wasn’t your fault. Look, me and Dean - we’re all kinds of messed up. Now Mom is back, we tried making rules… on how we’d keep doing this. It’s been some type of comfort for each other. Being able to only feel each other, that we love each other so much that it drives us crazy. It’s like an addiction, same as the demon blood. We sometimes can’t understand why it’s not good for us, because it makes us feel so great.”

Castiel listens as Sam takes a deep breath.

“Sometimes with addiction, people we care about get hurt from our actions. We become blind because… Cas, it feels good. Waking up and seeing that person. I love Dean… I know it’s gross, but he’s all I ever had besides Jess. He’s the only thing I have that made me feel loved in 14 years. He was there way before that.”

Castiel looks devastated, so Sam reaches for his hand.

“That’s what I thought at least. YOU have always been there for us, for me, you always came through. Even when things maybe went sideways, you always tried to make it right. You never gave up, and especially on us. We just haven’t been paying attention, because our own fucked up heads. I told Dean it’s over, never again. I think he gets it; he feels the same as I do. Probably realizes that he wasn’t looking at the right person.”

Castiel shifts. “So, you both… violently had sex with me - I loosely use the word sex because it was awful - you did it because you two are so selfish with each other you don’t care who gets hurt… that includes me.”

“I’m sorry, but we’re going to change. I think part of it...we’re going to need your help.” Sam gives Castiel the puppy eyes.

Castiel lets out a labored breath.

“I believe I know what you’re implying, and I don’t think it will work with Dean… We… He no longer cares for me. Although both Mary and Jack try to tell me how sick with grief he was when I was stabbed. He hasn’t shown me anything that proves that to be true. It may only work with you… And Dean can be controlling - you will cave.”

“Yeah… but I think he just got lost, things got messy these last few years. Please give this a shot.”

“I will never do that again Sam…” Castiel feels sick. “I have felt those sensations before, including in situations with more dubious consent or lack of… in the past. And this one hurt me the most.”

“Cas are you saying you were molested - fuck by who?” Sam grabs both his hands and looks him in the eyes.

“Too many. Dean would shame me and call me an idiot if he knew-”

“No. Dean takes that seriously… Cas. You know he does.”

“Just because he’s experienced and has been there for others, I highly doubt he is empathetic towards me in the slightest.”

“Cas… are any of them currently alive?”

“No. They kinda… happened, didn’t see the point in seeking revenge when at the time I had no idea what it meant.”

“Crowley?”

“Mmhm. Including Metatron.”

“Cas-”

“Metatron stole my grace and used me because ‘hadn’t gotten off in a while’. This still hurt the most. I was used by both of you. I have come to expect this from Dean, but you disappointed me. Sam… don’t you understand how much I love you? How many times do I have to bleed, sacrifice, endure, and die before I am shown the same affection you show each other? Am I not worthy to be a Winchester? What do I have to prove, to be given the last name… for you to show me you care about me?”

“Cas you’re already a Winchester, you’re one of us.” Sam cradles Castiel’s face. “I love you, and so does Dean. Mary and Jack. You’re family, and right now I’m going to start changing how you feel. I will show you how you’re supposed to feel.”

“How am I supposed to feel?” Castiel looks up just as Sam leans in to kiss him. Castiel leans in just a little, like a rabbit inching out with his nose.

Sam holds him with his big but gentle hands. Moving down Castiel’s spine, rubbing his tired muscles.

Castiel groans, breaking away from the kiss. Hesitantly he leans forward to rest his head on Sam’s shoulder. Sam wraps his arms around him, a soft smile remembering how once before he’d told Castiel “it’s a hug, you hug back”.

Castiel holds his arms around Sam tightly for fear of him leaving him. He’s shaking in Sam’s hands, as he breathes in Sam’s scent.

“To feel loved... Cas.”

************************************** 

Dean hasn’t realized where he was driving until he crosses the state line. He’s too gone right now. He pulls into a bar, retreating to an old addiction. Food and Alcohol.

He sends Sam a text telling him he isn’t coming back tonight. He still needs to think things out. Dean isn’t expecting Sam’s almost instant reply: “Yeah, good idea.” What Dean had expected is something angrier trying to convince Dean to come back and talk to Castiel. Instead, Sam thinks Dean should be out and not come back tonight. He starts to down his second drink, without thinking, because what if this is really bad?

His head hasn’t been thinking right since he came back from the mark. Having Michael in his head loosened some bolts. He enjoyed making breakfast for Sam, now Jack. It’s these strange things he always loved. Taking care of a home, providing, feeling useful. It brings him joy when he is surrounded by people eating, it was a connection.

To be honest, he doesn’t need the sex with Sam, all it does is make him crave what he wants. Someone to wake up next to, knowing they feel good because of you. Sex and food are some of the ways he shows his love. He wants someone to love him because he is good to them.

Drinking his third, Dean wonders if maybe that’s why he pushed Castiel away? Castiel can’t be that to him.

Castiel doesn’t eat or sleep. He’s incapable of what Dean craves - to feed and fall asleep with someone. He had such high hopes when Castiel became human because he knew it would work. It didn’t… he chose Sam over him. This ultimately made Dean realise that Castiel was too good for him, and it angered him how much Castiel loved him regardless. What does he have to do to prove to Castiel that he is too good for Dean? Castiel deserves better, Sam is better. But… Castiel always loved Dean.

Dean thinks Castiel can’t love anyone else, that his soul fused with Castiel’s grace in Hell. The handprint, the ‘profound bond’, that was forever. He feels sorry for Cas, being stuck to Dean. He feels sorry for Sam or anyone stuck with him.

He is a total grinch - mean, and miserable. He scarfs down some fries and some hot wings. He wishes Castiel could enjoy the little things, he wants someone who can make memories with him. Make forever moments, so small…

Dean sees a flash of memories; Castiel smiling at bees, and how the sunlight hits his eyes in a way that makes them look like stars. How his eyes and nose crinkle when he laughs or finds something gross. How stoic he can be, and unphased by a rocket going past him and blowing up a car. Or when Charlie played a fortune teller game, as they smiled and ate pizza. Or him saying how hamburgers make him happy. How Castiel will chew on popcorn even though he says he doesn’t trust the microwave. His face lights up when Dean talks to him. How Castiel says his name!

His stomach grumbles, and he’s out of it. Maybe he’s the one who’s forgotten the little things… He’s stopped paying attention and only focused on the bad. He acts so cold, and he knew Michael said things that upset Castiel. A part of him felt that way, but it wasn’t entirely true. He doesn’t just keep Castiel around because he’s indebted to him… Dean likes having Cas with him, it’s why he’s mad when Castiel’s gone. With everything else… It’s kinda like being a family. Castiel feels like a long-term partner with whom he is raising a son. Maybe Cas doesn’t eat, or sleep… but then again, maybe Dean hasn’t tried to make something work.

He throws money down and steps into the cold night. His cheeks and his stomach warm from the booze, he isn’t tipsy in the slightest. Although, his judgement is clouded enough that he sends Castiel a text. “I stopped loving you.”


	5. Chapter 5

Sam climbs on top of Castiel’s shirtless body.

Castiel groans as Sam kneads the sore muscles. Rubbing his shoulders and back, Sam applies just the right pressure. Cas is about to start crying into the bed because he is so sore.

“If only you could do my wings…” Castiel moans then rubs his face into the bed like a pleased cat.

“Is there a reason I can’t?” Sam asks innocently enough.

Castiel doesn’t get snippy with him, instead he smiles.

“They are nothing but scraps. To be fair, if your human eyes could see them… it would look like an animal mauled them.” Cas says in a muffled voice.

“Cas that’s awful, any way to repair them?” Sam asks massaging between his shoulder blades.

“Being connected to the Heavenly Host, at full power. I’m one of the last angels… no doubt I’m at fault. There’re just not enough angels in Heaven to keep the power on. Anymore go, and the sky will fall on Earth. Every soul released… it’s horrible.”

“Why didn’t we know this?” Sam moves to Castiel’s hips.

“Hmm, you did it just wasn’t as important as other things like Michael and Lucifer, alternate universes. You both avoid matters of Heaven and encourage me to do the same.”

“But that is a huge problem-”

“Sam. There’s nothing that can be done, only God can create angels.” Castiel is enjoying the massage too much for Sam to be worrying about another possible END OF THE WORLD.

“We’re discussing this later,” Sam huffs.

Castiel rolls to his side.

Sam is a bit shocked how happy and well Castiel looks when he is shown any affection. He keeps praising Sam and trying to get closer like he wants to be petted. Sam obliges by combing his fingers in his hair.

Cas closes his eyes and enjoys the sensation.

“I gotta get up,” Sam pats Castiel’s thigh.

Cas, his head inclined to the side, watches Sam leave the room. His phone lights up. It’s a text from Dean. Opening to see those words. “I don’t love you anymore.” His heart drops. Reality kicks in again…he can’t be happy after all. He puts his phone down as Sam comes back with a beer.

Sam sits back down, inviting Cas to lay his head on his lap as they watch TV. “This is nice, thank you, Sam.”

“Yeah, we both needed it.”

********************************* 

Sam thinks more about his conversation with Dean a few weeks ago. Sam remembers sitting at the small table in the kitchen, when Dean handed him a beer.

“So, you’re not even picking up anyone,” Sam raised his brow. Dean shrugged. “Maybe you need viagra.”

“Shut up. I’m just not interested. It’s always the same, same types. I’m bored. I’m bored of careless sex.”

“Wow, Mr Womanizer retiring.”

“Yeah, I guess. Hey, I gotta ask you something,” Dean sat down across from Sam. Sam leaned in waiting for the question.

“What’s your thoughts on him?”

“Jack-”

“God no, I mean Cas.”

“What about him- you think he’s okay?” Sam asked worriedly.

“You know it’s funny… when either of us hears his name we think something is wrong.”

“I didn’t think of it that way… But you’re sorta right. I mean Cas spent his whole life being this amazing warrior. After he fell for us, I don’t know he got attached to our curse of bad luck.”

“Yeah… You think he ever thinks of us differently than kin?” Dean stared down his bottle, Sam noticed the sad expression.

“You two have had sex, so I reckon he does.”

“We’ve had sex, and he knows that too… You think Cas is into us, sexually?”

“From what you said, I wonder if he could even tell the difference?” Sam replied.

“Would you-”

“With Cas?” Sam choked on his air and his face grew bright. He tried to cough it away. “I-” Sam wanted to, he wanted to so badly. He knew he had been in love with Castiel for over a decade and never acted on it. He didn’t know if Dean had finally caught on about Sam’s affection and was testing him. There was a reason he had kept it secret. He knew how Dean felt about him and Cas. So, if Sam was to take Cas away from Dean the jealousy would be so bad, and outrageous. Dean would feel excluded from his lovers. He could never allow Sam and Cas alone, he had to be involved unless he was livid with Cas or Sam.

Now being confronted if he would have sex with Castiel? Did he keep it a secret?

Dean laughed, breaking the tension. “Sam, relax I know. I just rather hear it from you.”

“But you and Cas-”

“It’s not like that, we had a fling because…what else do you do in Purgatory? When you’re not running for your life and it might be the end, you find comfort. So, yeah, we had sex. It’s not like…you know…more.”

Sam wanted to scoff at the absolute bullshit Dean was saying - nothing more? His face was such an open to book to Dean that his brother rolled his eyes at Sam.

“Look, it’s not like that anymore. And well, I always thought about us… with Cas. What that would be like?”

“I.. I thought about it too.” Sam admitted, rubbing his neck. “It felt… better, versus just us. It’s like he was-”

“Sent from Heaven and placed into our laps?” Dean laughed. “Yeah, we kinda lucked out on him. Despite the dumbass’s luck.”

“Would that be something you’d be okay with?” Sam asked.

“Well is it okay with you Sammy? It seemed like it felt I was replacing you. You do know I will never put anyone in front of you.”

“I don’t know, maybe you should sometimes. Hell, Cas could use it if he even liked me I would make him-”

“What Sam. Make him feel loved?”

“Yeah-”

“Well I only want sex with him so I don’t care whatever you do,” Dean’s voice was snippy and grouchy.

“Dean what did I say?”

“You said enough. Me and Cas right? You think I treat him like shit.”

“Dean… You’re completely making this out of nothing.”

“Then what do you mean?”

“I don’t know! I want to date him! Okay?” Dean was taken back, Sam watched him get hit in the gut. Sam balled his fist slamming it on the table. “It wasn’t fair! You had everything, Dean. Dad, Mom, Bobby. You have friends, everyone is your friend. I'm just there. I get Cas saved you from Hell… but I love him. He was always there for you, no matter how much you spewed your insults and punches. He will… He will NEVER leave you.” Sam choked on a cry, Dean watched completely stunned.

“I am nothing to everyone… If he had a problem with you, he’d ignore me too. Because we’re a pair, there’s no Dean without Sam. But no one wants Sam. Everyone I love dies… And I never had anyone LOVE me beside you. I… love him so much. He doesn’t feel the same. Because just like him, everyone wants you.”

Dean allowed Sam to sink back down before moving to Sam’s side and holding his brother. “None of that’s true…” Dean said quietly. “And I can’t stand you feeling that way, because of me. I didn’t know…you felt that way.”

“You hate him… and he loves you. Me? I have never hated him, I never felt ill towards him. Even when he had betrayed us, I understood… the things we’d do because we love you.”

“Sam…”

“It’s not fair… he doesn’t even know what it feels like to be taken care of. He accepts what we give him, thinking it’s enough. It’s not. Nothing we give him is even close to what he deserves… to you, he’s just sex. You only love me, and you’re incapable of letting go.”

Dean lays in the car parked off some middle of nowhere road, he lays there thinking what they could be doing. Sam hooking up with Castiel. Probably confessing their love, Sam’s a sap like that. He’s most likely kissing Castiel long and slow, catching every little breath. Castiel’s gruff voice hitching, screaming his brother’s name.

Dean pushes his jeans down. He cups his hardening clothed cock. Imagining more. How Sam tears every little layer off Castiel, seeing Castiel naked just for him. Experiencing the angel truly, falling to his knees taking Castiel into his mouth. Wrapping his long fingers around the base of his cock, licking the slit. His other hand kneading into Cas’ ass, leaving bruises.

Castiel’s knees buckle. Sam lifts him up onto the bed, quickly laying a stunned Castiel down.

Castiel grabs Sam’s hair. Begin jolting into Sam’s mouth.

Sam takes Castiel in, no problem. Gaining pleasure from seeking to take Castiel to the edge. Sam pulls off to match Castiel’s lips.

Castiel wraps his arms over Sam’s broad shoulders eager for more.

Sam would take both their cocks into his hand continuing to stroke.

Castiel would be mewling and twisting, while Sam holds him down.

Castiel would cum all over their bodies, out of breath.

Sam slowly licks him, cleaning up the mess just before it gets heavier.

Castiel uses his strength to roll them over. Pinning Sam’s hands. Whispering Sam’s name. They chuckle about Dean not knowing.

Castiel rolls Sam’s massive cock between his cheeks, just catching his abused hole from earlier. Big and massive from them fucking him. Sam slips inside him, Cas rides down hard. Sam bucks his hips, but Cas is too strong. Cas has full control, and he’s letting go. Riding Sam’s dick fast and hard, both screaming in pleasure. Cas lets go of his hands, Sam grips his hips, matching Cas’ speed. Fucking Cas hard and deep, he’s going to destroy his prostate.

Castiel grabs a fist of Sam’s hair, their teeth clash. Two dominating forces vying for control. Fighting to make the other cum. Both so hot. Biting, claiming the other. So happy Dean isn’t ruining their dirty fun. Going behind his back, fucking each other ways Dean can’t.

“Cum inside him Sammy…” Dean breathes. “Cum inside him… fuck cum.”

Sam jolts rolling his head back, his arms wrapped around Castiel’s body feeling the force shoot through him. Inside Castiel and leaking around his dick. Cas groaning in lust, saying ‘fuck yes’. Sam rolls them over, fucking Cas rapidly that the bed creeks, Cas is screaming Sam’s name. Begging to cum, Sam is the only guy to get him off as an angel.

Dean cums as Cas cums in his thoughts, covering his shirt and pants. Baby’s seat is covered in sweat and his cum. His face is flushed, as he licks his hand.

Cas and Sam stay wrapped up and cuddle. Whispering about fucking behind Dean’s back, trying to find ways of him being so close to finding out. Hoping Dean will catch them in the act, and seeing them so much happier without him.

********************************** 

“Hey…” Sam whispers to Cas.

“Hey to you too,” Cas smiles.

“Do you love Dean?” Sam asks.

Cas bites his lips, turning his head from the tv to look up at Sam from his position laying on Sam’s lap. “Of course I do. We have a profound bond.”

“Do you think you could love me… like that?” Sam looks away in shame. Cas sat up to hold Sam’s face. “Of course. I already do.”

“No, Dean’s really special to you.”

“Sam, you have to see Dean is connected to me. It’s infused, there’s no way I can feel anything like that for another. It’s impossible, but Sam…What I feel for you, is human. Dean, I have no choice.”

“So… you have to love him because you’re connected?”

“To be honest, I have no idea. I still loved him as a human, but it was different. My grace is connected to his soul. I feel… his pain as an angel. I suppose what happened in Hell is unbreakable. I am sorry if that has caused a wedge stopping us forming a relationship.”

“Well, we can always start. I believe we have for a while. It just took something to make it happen. I am so sorry we hurt you, that I hurt you.”

“I forgive you, Sam. I know you care.”

“It still doesn’t make it right. I need to do more than just say sorry.” Sam looked angry at how forgiving Cas was, how could Cas be so okay.

“Sam… you could continue petting my head. The sensation was pleasing.” Castiel turns his big blue eyes on Sam.

Copying Castiel, Sam places his hands on Castiel’s face. He kisses Castiel softly.

Pulling away from the kiss, Castiel murmurs, “That is good too…”


	6. Chapter 6

As Jack and Mary walk down the steps of the bunker entrance, they notice the Impala isn’t outside. They wonder if Dean has gone out and whether the others are with him. Jack is partway down the hallway towards his room when he hears chuckling and low soothing voices from Sam’s room. He creeps closer to find that the door is cracked open. Jack has learnt that if a door is closed, you don’t walk in, but if the door is open, then it’s okay to enter the room. He swings the door fully open- before he can utter a word, he’s pushed back into the hallway by an unseen rush of air and the door slams in his face.

Jack blinks, confused and hurt. He replays in his head what he's just seen. Jack saw Castiel leaning over Sam, they were very close. Castiel didn’t look like himself, he was wearing clothes Jack swore he had seen Sam in before. Castiel and Sam had something in their hands. Sam seemed to be in pain, or he was concentrating intently on an object.

This worries Jack. If Sam is hurt - why is Castiel wearing Sam's clothes? Why isn’t Dean here? Maybe Dean has gotten hurt, and Castiel is helping Sam! What if Castiel’s clothes are covered in Dean’s blood. Sam must be in pain.

Jack knocks on the door. “Please answer the door! Where’s Dean, is Dean okay, where is Dean?” 

The door opens. Castiel towers over him, looking very unhappy with Jack. 

Jack blinks thinking nothing of it. He steps inside.

Sam is laying on his back covering his face, clearly annoyed. “Yes, Jack?”

“Where is Dean, I noticed Baby isn’t outside,” Jack says, coming to sit on his knees on the bed. 

Sam and Castiel would be more annoyed if he weren’t so innocent and adorable. 

“I also noticed you aren’t wearing your usual clothes, Cas. I thought you only wore that outfit. These...these...are Sam’s… I’ve seen him wear these. Dean is dead, isn't he?” 

Both Sam and Cas look at him super confused.

“How did you arrive at that conclusion?” Castiel asks slowly.

“Well, I saw the car wasn’t here, and you weren’t wearing your suit and trenchcoat. So, Dean must’ve died in your arms, and you had to change. Sam looked like he was very upset and in pain, you both were holding-”

“Jack.” Castiel raises a hand to stop him. “Dean is fine, he’s blowing off some steam. Me and Sam were just…”

“Watching a movie,” Sam adds, trying to help. “The remote broke. We were trying to fix it, but...uh...it’s fixed now...so, yeah!”

“Oh…Then Dean is okay, and Sam is as well?” Jack looked up at Castiel who nodded.

“Oh, he is doing very well…” Castiel smirks.

Sam coughs.

“Can I join in and watch as well? Mary had me doing so much gun training that my hands hurt.”

Castiel sucks in a deep breath looking over to Sam, who shrugs. “I suppose. Mind getting Sam a beer first, he could use one. Feel free to let Mary know Dean is fine as well.”

“She seemed to be unphased. She’s already gone to bed.”

“Have you fed your snake?”

“He’s not eating,” Jack frowns. “So, beer and then I can join?” His smile is so big and bright - excited. Once he gets the nod from Cas and Sam, Jack runs down the halls to the kitchen. When he returns, he jumps in the middle of the bed. It isn't really big enough for more than just Sam, so they were squashed together. 

Jack hands Sam the beer, while Castiel ruffles his hair. “I’m proud of you Jack.” 

Jack has this radiant feeling in his chest… maybe he isn’t totally soulless. He had felt something, maybe an emotion, at the pat on his head and hearing Castiel saying he was proud. 

“Kelly is too,” Castiel adds, holding Jack’s gaze.

Jack doesn’t know quite how he knows to do it, but it is so right when he curls up next to Castiel and wraps his arms around Castiel's waist. “I love you… Dad… Dads.”

Sam and Cas share a look of immense joy. That Cas has to quickly remind himself how much Dean hates him to be happy. Because it’s scary, receiving love from a son. Jack loves him as his father, and Sam loved him as his partner. It is magical and perfect… almost. Dean is the missing piece.

****************************************** 

Dean pulls himself together, walking down the road. Taking in the cold air, it is foggy and the chill seeps down to his bones. He needs it. To walk off the anger. He is so angry all the time that he’s found some outlets for that anger - unhealthy ones. Being mean, cutthroat, having hate sex, and killing monsters. It is easier to hit things than to admit he is hurting. 

He has an addiction to hurting himself regardless. To Dean things don’t feel real unless it sucks. He is so angry that Sam believes Dean has it all, that everyone would rather have him instead of Sam. That to say their parents loved Dean more when it is so clear that it was the other way around. As for Castiel, he has no idea. Sometimes he wonders what is going on in the feather boy’s brain. What he is thinking about, his joys and fears… Dean ponders if it’s the former more than the later. He feels selfish wondering how Castiel feels about him, truly after everything Dean has put him through. What made Castiel stay? Besides some rope between them, like a tether.

He heads back down the road, hearing chittering in the trees. Dean stops, but before he can brace himself, just as he’s pulling his gun out, he is taken to the ground by something he can’t see. It claws at his face. Dean can feel the warmth of the blood pouring down his face. Fighting whatever took him down, the smell of rotting flesh wafting into his nostrils. He goes to shoot. Whatever it is bites his hand and Dean drops the gun. This has all the hallmarks of a Hellhound, but if it is it is only giving him puppy bites. Hellhounds aren’t known to play around or go after ones who aren’t destined for Hell.

As Dean fights his brain scrambles to figure out what this could be, find a weakness, or better how to kill it. Dean decided on a course of action and played dead. He reckoned that it was a witch’s dog. A spell cast to protect a nearby witch. Not having Sam or Rowena to cast a spell to undo the curse, Dean remembers something from his dad’s journal. Witch’s dogs are fairly stupid and usually accept playing possum as a form of either submission or nonthreat. As theorized, the dog left Dean alone.

He sits up, reaching to his side. Claws slash across his body and face. His blood is sticky making his hair feel like glue. Dean decides this isn’t something he is in the mood to deal with right now. What he should do is go and kick that witch’s teeth in…however, he did masturbate on their property so maybe he had it coming. He’ll tell Sam about it and they can come back to investigate. He is 3 hours away and he can be home before the sun fully rises.

On the drive, Dean can’t help thinking about all the things he really wants to let go. Like how he dealt with that back there. Learn to submit and admit he’s wrong…sometimes.

He needs to learn how to do that better. He has been able to submit physically. With many partners, he had shown submission as a form of trust. He had given it to Benny when all signs said he shouldn't have. Benny was a vampire, and yet Dean easily laid down… Benny took care of him. The truth about why he hadn’t fully laid down for Castiel? It wasn’t because he didn’t trust him, it was because Dean thought he had to take care of him. Baby Castiel, teach him.

Maybe it is time Dean stopped because experience shows that Castiel makes bigger mistakes when the tension between them is higher. Castiel was a soldier, who took calculated risks. But with risks, comes a chance of failure. The more he learned emotion, the more he was around Dean those emotions affected his calculating eye. No longer this grand general of a civil war… just a guy trying his best and sticking around people who treat him like crap. Castiel had taken a calculated risk with them. Be treated horribly by angels, or by the Winchesters? Castiel took his bets with humanity and with the promise they would win. Humanity always overcomes.

Castiel is a really good person. Dean sighs deeply because maybe it hurt more than it turned him on imagining Sam with Castiel. The idea that Sam could treat him better than Dean can… Dean thinks, maybe this is where he can learn. Maybe Sam can teach him to love Castiel better. Because no matter what Dean did that seemed okay to Castiel…it wasn’t. Sam knew what was right and wrong better than anyone. Dean grins.

Yeah, that can work. The person Dean trusts and loves more than anything, can teach him to demonstrate his love to Cas in healthier ways. Then it won’t be just Sam all alone making Castiel feel better, but Dean can too. While making himself better… help him step away from his toxic nature where he holds things so tight that they break.

He pulls up to the bunker. Nothing seems out of place. Dean hadn’t expected to not find Castiel out and around reading. Mary and Jack are obviously back, judging by the gear. Castiel probably left, in all probability he hadn’t wanted to hear what Sam had to say. He and Sam had done a number on Castiel, and Castiel was no stranger to torture.

As usual, Dean stops by Sam’s to check on him. He opens the door to see three tightly pressed bodies together. The light from the hallway glows behind him, causing his silhouette on the bed and showing Sam, Jack, and Cas. 

Jack is turned to his left, nuzzling against Castiel’s chest. His arms wrapped around him tightly, hugging Castiel like a pillow. Sam is barely on the bed, his chest pressed against the back of Jack’s head. One arm bracing his pillow Sam sleeps like the dead. His other hand reaches over to rest on Jack’s hip. Castiel parallels Sam, their hands interlocking.

Castiel is still awake, so is Jack. They don’t dare open their eyes to look at Dean or move.

Dean wants to laugh, cry, puke, punch, and run. There is something about this picture. They all look so happy and comfortable… and there is no room in the bed for him. There’s no room for both Winchester brothers. Maybe that was what Sam had been getting at, or all those stories ending in one of them dying. There is no happiness with them together… He should never have dreamt so hard, wishing things would be okay, that this would work out. There isn’t room. He turns on his heel when he catches the soft gesture, Castiel’s thumb grazing over Sam’s hand. The real kicker is a sleeping Sam smiling gently in his sleep.

Dean stumbles to the nearest bathroom to puke. He can’t believe this, or rather…he can but it shakes him. He’s allowed Sam and Castiel to slip through his fingers. He’s squeezed them too hard and now he has neither. His greed. It comes from the insecurity of losing people. The knowledge that everyone he knows will be gone one day, so holding them hostage, or as near as damn it, is the only way they stay… almost forever.

Dean pukes into the shower before starting it. His gut aches from scratches. He vomits so violently that they begin to bleed again. Dean watches the contents of his stomach drain away - goodbye chicken wings. He strips his clothes and steps into the tub. Sinking onto the floor, his tall 6 foot 2 body bending at the knees. Dean draws them up to his chest. He wraps one arm around his knees, as the water rushes the dried blood away down the drain. Watching it dance like watercolor, spirals, and blooms in the water.

Dean rubs his head against his knees. He curls his hand into a fist then hits the side of the wall.

“You wanted this… you wanted this… stop crying you…stupid idiot.” Dean berates himself, hearing John on his tongue. His own father’s words haunting him all over again.

Remembering his first hunt, when he had overkilled the monster. John had beaten him for it, pulled his arm back and pinned him against his back. Demanding to know why Dean kept shooting the damn thing. Was it because he was insecure with his kill, or was it some sick pleasure in killing? Once Dean began to cry, there was a snap to his right shoulder. John walked away from him, calling him a stupid idiot and ordering him to stop crying.

He hates the damage his father did to him, and how Mary refuses to even pretend to see it. She doesn’t want to; it is too hard on her. Or Sam who claims Dad loved him more when John had told Dean the night Sam left for college. Sam is all he’ll ever have, and he’s left him too. If Sam loved him, he would never have left Dean. It took forever to get that scrubbed from it being untrue. It is a lie. Sam loves him… they die for each other and will burn the world down for each other. They claim it’s all for the greater good, but he made the choice to not let Sam finish the trials. There would be no more Hell. Yet he couldn’t do it.

Now he senses Sam leaving him again, ever since Mom came back. It means an end to what they had. It’s too much, that Sam is leaving him. He’s going to be with Castiel, they are going to take care of Jack, be better partners. Dean wants to end it, just leave and go on his own, he’s not needed… FUCK. That’s how Castiel feels.

Dean hasn’t noticed the shower curtain opening or the person above him. He is so far in his head about his Dad, Sam, and Castiel, that he can’t drag himself out of there. Not until he feels a gentle touch.

Castiel is on his knees outside the tub, his hand on Dean’s shoulder… that shoulder.

“Cas…” Dean mutters. He’s unsure, still looking down.

“Hey,” Castiel says softly, too soft.

Dean nearly flinches at Castiel’s tone compared to harsh voices in his head.

“I have a warm robe and towel for you.”

Dean doesn’t move, he isn’t angry. He is actually much calmer now with Castiel there, but he can’t move.

“Dean… I’m here. You’re not alone. I know the voices are scary, and I sensed the magic on you.”

The witch’s dog…

“Even then without a spell, you still have PTSD. I know you do your best to hide it, but I know Dean. You can’t hide anything from me.”

“Cas…” Dean whimpers, still watching Cas’s hand in Sam’s. He shifts further away.

Castiel runs fingers over his hair washing out some of the blood.

“Why are you so good to me?”

“I have no idea. I don’t think I have a choice.”

“Because we’re connected?”

“Because I love you.” Castiel cups Dean’s jaw in his hand. Shifting his stubborn face-up to look at him.

Castiel stares into Dean’s red tired eyes, the green shining oh so much brighter. Castiel leans forward to kiss a tear away…

Dean isn’t used to this. Castiel has only ever allowed Dean to make the advances, even then things between them were rarely gentle. 

Dean nestles closer. Trying to keep Castiel touching him, but he is scared. Maybe scared of Castiel rejecting him.

Castiel obliges lowering his lips to Dean’s.

Dean’s trembling against Castiel’s chapped ones. He moves forward in figuring out where to go next.

Castiel takes control.

Dean allows it. He is too tired… he wants to be taken care of. He wants to break and have someone put him back together… it’s not like Castiel hasn’t literally put him back together before though.

Dean is lifted out of the tub and wrapped in a rob.

Castiel leaves him there standing completely zoned out as he grabs Dean some clothes. He helps Dean get dressed. Although Dean is capable of doing it himself...it feels good. Castiel leads him back down towards Sam’s room, where Jack seemed to be asleep, but they knew he wasn’t. Sam hasn’t moved, but the way his fingers are moving while he sleeps, they’re itching for Castiel’s hand.

Dean’s heart swells. He tries to walk away.

Castiel shoves him back onto the bed and tucks him in.

Dean tries to get up, but Castiel pushes his chest, making him lay back down. He turns onto his good side, not the cut one. Now he’s facing Jack and Sam.

Jack has joined in by wrapping his arms around him.

Keeping him down, Castiel shoots Dean , who’s beginning to fuss, a warning look motioning him not to wake Sam.

Dean sighs trying to relax…He doesn’t want to admit how good this is.

Castiel intertwines their hands with Sam’s.

Dean takes a deep breath of relief, closing his eyes. Falling asleep.

Feeling the warmth of his son and being loved by his other half. No nightmares come.


	7. Chapter 7

Dean smiles on hearing those words.

Dean and Castiel are sharing a kiss at the top of the stairs. when Sam spots them.

Sam has always believed that Dean and Castiel could never truly love for him. He’s always felt like the third wheel. He isn’t paying attention to either of them, when arms wrap around him, holding him tight. Instantly Sam is flooded with a rush of emotions.

Dean is kissing his cheek while Castiel kisses his neck.

Sam lets out a needy, laboured breath.

“Let’s take a drive,” Dean suggests, looking at Sam and Castiel and biting his lip. “I am no good with words… I speak through what I have. That’s my body.”

Sam and Castiel exchange glances.

“I don’t want to feel double penetration again…” Castiel mumbles.

Dean shakes his head. Grabbing the back of Castiel’s neck and pulling him into a kiss. “We won’t do that again… I think I know what position that will work for all of us.”

“Are you sure you want to?” Sam is asking Dean, but he’s looking at Castiel. “Do YOU want to?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I just don’t want it to hurt again. And it’s not the physical pain that hurt the most. I felt like I was your-”

“Third wheel.” Sam nods as he finishes Castiel’s sentence. Then he turns and kisses him.

Dean watches. All the air instantly sucked out from him.

“Do you both feel that with me…” Dean pauses looking down and biting his tongue. A muscle in his neck twitches as he processes what he’s just figured out. “I- I’m not good at sharing I guess, I don’t focus on you both, I only focus one at a time. I can’t do that- if we want this to work right?”

“That’s right,” Sam responded.

Dean takes a deep breath as he steps away.

Following Dean to the car, Sam and Castiel’s fingers intertwine. 

Castiel climbs into the back.

There’s a fire burning between them now. A fierce heat. Snap- a little bit of talking and they all have what they were searching for. Finally - a green light to pound town.

Dean takes them out on the midday road.

The anticipation has them all squirming in their pants. Mouths watering for a taste of each other.

Dean stifles a groan at the constriction in his pants. He sneaks his hand off the wheel to press down on his crotch.

They drive like this for hours, waiting to find a hotel far enough away from everyone they know. They need tonight to be all theirs. All theirs to fill with passion and emotion – alone.

Castiel finally snaps, unbuttoning his slacks, and begins to stroke his dick.

Dean does a double-take when he catches a glimpse of Castiel in his rear-view mirror and nearly drives off the road.

“CAS!?” Dean squeaks-

Sam turns his head to see what’s wrong with Castiel. Sam understands Cas’s impatience. “Dean, pull over down that road. We can’t wait any longer.” Sam begs, sliding up close to his brother nuzzling his neck. Nipping at him, rubbing his giant hand against Dean’s jeaned cock.

Dean cries out, slamming the gas and turning down the deserted road. He can’t wait either. If he doesn’t get something soon, he’s going to cum from all the teasing.

Pulling off the road, Sam and Dean waste no time hopping into the back. One on each side of Castiel. All three become a hot mess of tearing clothes, teeth, tongue, and moans.

Castiel slips his fingers inside Dean’s ass, while Sam holds his hair back as he sucks Castiel off. It is happening so fast, but it is so right. Right now!

Dean rocks down on those fingers. His deep grunts are buried into Castiel's neck. He holds Sam’s hair up helping him with Castiel.

Castiel pants.

Sam and Dean suspect it won’t be that easy to get the angel off. It takes effort, but beads of precum begin to collect on the head of his cock. Sam laps it up like it is the only source of water in a desert.

Cas removes his fingers from a whining Dean. He has something in mind as he pulls Sam off with a messy pop. He shoves Sam as far back as he can. Then he manhandles Dean onto his back against the sweaty leather.

Dean yelps, his face the image of utter arousal at this demanding Castiel.

Sam tries to give them some space, grumbling as he hits his head on the roof. 

Castiel climbs onto Dean’s lap, effortlessly lowering himself with a growl.

Dean screams out in pleasure.

Castiel braces one foot on the floor the other on the seat next to Dean’s hip. Rocking himself into a good seating position… “I prepped- him for you,” Castiel looks over his shoulder at Sam.

Sam nods quickly, sliding onto his knees on the seat. He has to get super close to Castiel to not hit his head again. But it is impossible not to, 3 tall guys fucking in a backseat isn’t exactly comfy. He lifts Dean’s hips with Castiel on his cock, slides his thighs under Dean’s bottom, then lowers them both onto his giant cock.

The car is filled with moans and slews of cursing at the pleasure.

Dean’s lower half pinned so tightly, he looked up seeing the two people he loved most looking back down at him.

Sam sets the rhythm for them

Castiel cranes his neck to kiss Sam. Tongues Dancing, as Sam wraps his hand over Castiel’s cock.

Dean mewls holding onto Castiel’s thighs,hips bucking up into him. The position they’ve gotten into makes it look like Sam is fucking Castiel right in front of him, but it’s actually Sam fucking him and it’s his cock in Castiel. The thought drives him wild. He can’t hold back much longer.

However, Sam and Castiel aren’t close to finishing.

They pick up the speed,

Sam slams up into Dean.

Castiel bounces on Dean’s rock-hard dick.

Dean clenches around Sam, who gasps at the sensation. Dean knows his angel’s tells, he’s close. Dean smacks Sam’s hand away. He’s going to be the one to make Castiel cum. Sam’s close too. He’s going to cum in Dean any second.

Dean spits on his hand and strokes the angel fast. He’s going to make sure that his face and chest get covered in Castiel’s seed. 

The car rocks and creaks.

They’re all crying for something more, harder.

The windows are completely fogged from their hot breath. Castiel falls forward, his hands pushing against the windows for balance as he bounces on their cocks. He imagines that he can almost feel Sam through Dean.

As Castiel is having that thought, Sam arches up cumming hard inside Dean some leaking out onto the seats.

Both brothers work together on Castiel, Sam twists his nipples as Dean thrusts up inside him while stroking his cock. Castiel is positively vibrating with need. He’s so close. Dean knows what to do, He grabs a handful of Castiel’s raven locks pulling him into a kiss. “I love you-”

Castiel comes before Dean can finish those words, pouring white ropes over Dean’s neck and chest. He jolts and twitches, overstimulated.

They’re all trying to catch their breath. They’re sore and as the adrenaline begins to wear off, they start to feel muscles cramping. Sam pulls out of Dean, then helps Castiel off Dean’s lap.

They’re all a little bewildered at what just happened. This was how it was supposed to have been the previous time. No one gets more attention than any other. They simply allowed things to happen.

Sam collapses against one door, Castiel leaning back against his chest.

Dean leans on the other door complaining about how sticky he and his Baby are now. But it’s all for show, Sam and Castiel know Dean loved it.

************************************************

They get out of the car to see a lake that’s not too far away, deciding to grab the sleeping bags from the trunk and some lighter fluid. They wash each other off in the crystal cool water. Sharing small kisses.

When they get out, it’s time to dress in clean clothes. Castiel borrows a pair of Dean’s spare jeans

They lay out underneath the stars, both brothers holding onto Castiel with want and love. All their hands connected, Castiel feels so loved and safe with them. “I love you both.” Castiel murmurs his eyes closed.

They both kiss his cheek. “We love you too.” They said with a smile before falling asleep on his chest.

For the first time ever as an angel, Castiel found a reason to sleep. Because in their arms, he’s safe.

Loving the Winchesters isn’t easy… Castiel thinks.

But it’s worth it.


End file.
